my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
