yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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