currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
