I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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