I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
