More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
