I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
