first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This show inspires me to have sex in space
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
