my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
