i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
