he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
