This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
