Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
