Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
