So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
