I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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