i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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