Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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