There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
