That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
