My friends, they love my intelligence
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
