he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i now understand why vodka
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
