I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
