yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
