also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
