I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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