I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
