I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
