and she was petting her beer can
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
