he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
