God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
