my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
