i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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