My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
