if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
