I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
