Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
