Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
