nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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