Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
