Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
