Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
