I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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