I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Are we still banned from the library?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
