Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
