It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
