Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
