every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
