hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
