i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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