Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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