So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
